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Monsters Under the Bed: Understanding Kid Fears

By Reshma Memon Yaqub
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Many of kids' fears seem mystifying or irrational, but to them the world is full of threats. Most fears fade as kids develop, but if your child's fear persist and totally preoccupy him, he'll need your help to overcome them. We've got the top soothing strategies for his biggest fears - -real and imaginary.
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* Toddler Fears
* Big Kid Fears


* Preschool Fears
* When Fears Become Phobias


Toddler Fears

Two- and 3-year-olds are creatures of habit. Any unfamiliar sight or sound -- a strange animal getting too close, ear-splitting sirens -- can send them into a panic. Often, toddlers are afraid of harmless stuff, such as the vacuum cleaner. The reason: Even though they're aware of their environment, they don't yet understand everything that happens in it, says psychologist Kim Burgess, PhD, director of the Pediatric Psychology Center, in Rockville, Maryland. (Your child may know that a vacuum cleans up dirt, but he's not sure it won't suck him up too!) Toddlers' fears often stem from one scary experience, adds Kristy Hagar, PhD, coauthor of Seven Steps to Help Your Child Worry Less. For example, a child who cried when his birthday balloons popped might become afraid of all balloons.

Soothing Strategies

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Play detective. If your kid can't tell you what's scaring him, look for clues. Jennifer Bosavage, of Huntington, New York, couldn't figure out why her 2-year-old son sometimes panicked when he got dressed -- until she noticed that it happened only when he wore shirts that button. "He couldn't undo buttons yet, so I think he felt trapped in his shirts," she says.
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Be creative. Experiment with ways to help your child feel safer. For toddlers, the more visual the strategy, the better. If he's afraid of being sucked down the bathtub drain, cover it with a washcloth or an upside-down cup, says Dr. Hagar.
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Change your child's perception. If he screams at the sight of bugs, read him books about friendly ones or draw pictures of them. When he stops fearing the idea of bugs, he may feel more brave around real ones, says Stephen W. Garber, PhD, coauthor of Monsters Under the Bed.
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Clear up false beliefs. Sure, you know that a haircut is no big deal. But that's because you understand that hair doesn't bleed and the stylist won't snip your ears. The more your toddler knows, the less he'll worry.


* Preschool Fears

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"Don't Leave Me!" Expert Tips for Dealing with Separation Anxiety

By Rebecca Felsenthal
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Dreading separation anxiety? We consulted the experts to give you 10 easy ways to help leg-clingers let go.
Pages in this story

* Preparing for Separation Anxiety
* What to Do on the First Day of School


* What to Do Before School
* Reader Tips for Dealing with Separation Anxiety


Preparing for Separation Anxiety

Starting school is a big deal, and your list of worries may outnumber your child's. Will she cooperate at circle time, share the blocks, talk back to the teacher? But scariest of all: How will she handle leaving you? "You can expect a range of reactions," says Parents advisor Robert Pianta, PhD, dean of the Curry School of Education at the University of Virginia. "On the first day, some kids say 'See ya later' and take off. Others cry, and it could take as long as a month before they feel comfortable at school."

Unfortunately, you can't predict whether your kid will be fine or freaked out, so it's crucial to prepare for both.

* What to Do Before School

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Caring for Your Toddler
Bathing & Grooming
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Childcare
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Toddler Gear
Sleep
Getting Your Toddler to Sleep
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Naps
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Toilet Training
Toilet Training Basics
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Editor's Picks: Toddler feeding guide, your toddler's sleep needs, and toilet training in 10 steps

Development & Behavior
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Discipline
Behavior Problems
Disturbing Habits
Anxiety & Fears
Development
Milestones
Month by Month
Suspecting a Problem
Physical
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Editor's Picks: Milestone charts, toddler calendar, and our discipline tool kit

Health & Safety
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Editor's Picks: Toddler symptom

Nice Kids, Rude Parents: Does Your Playdate Etiquette Need a Makeover?

By Marjorie Ingall

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If your kid isn't exactly raking in playdate invitations, it might be time for you to brush up on your social skills.

Pages in this story

• Social Slipup: You're Too Competitive
• Social Slipup: You Take Advantage

• Social Slipup: You Dictate Food Rules
• Social Slipup: You're Judgmental

• Social Slipup: You Micromanage Playdates

Social Slipup: You're Too Competitive

Are you worried that your child's juice-box-throwing habit or her refusal to share could be hurting her ability to make friends? Don't assume that her behavior is always to blame: Many parents are also guilty of less-than-perfect playdate etiquette. We've got solutions for some of the most common mistakes you might not realize you're making.

It's okay to secretly believe that no kid is as perfect as yours. But it's definitely not okay to announce it to everyone. I had to "lose" the phone number of a mom who constantly compared her son with my daughter. The last straw: We'd both given our babies deposit envelopes to occupy them while we were at the bank one day. As we left, my "friend" suddenly said, "Dammit! Leo just dropped his envelope and Josie's still holding hers. I thought his fine motor skills were superior." Um, hello? When you're turning who can hold an envelope longer into a contest, you need to get a hobby.

Acting this way guarantees that other parents will avoid you -- and your kid. Not only will you shrink your child's social circle, but eventually, he might think you love him just for his accomplishments. "Parents are very focused on achievement today," says Dan Kindlon, PhD, author of Too Much of a Good Thing: Raising Children of Character in an Indulgent Age. "They want to bask in the light of their brilliant kids." In other words, competitive parenting is about boosting your ego -- not being proud of your child.

The fix: The next time you're tempted to comment on whose toddler is crawling faster, "Ask, 'Why am I emotionally invested in another kid's progress?'" says Julie Holland, MD, assistant professor of psychiatry at New York University's School of Medicine. After all, you're still a good parent even if your child isn't as speedy as her pal. If you do have concerns about whether she's reaching her milestones, see your pediatrician. If you don't, replace the comparisons with actual adult conversation; talk about the novel you're reading or the vacation you want to take.

• Social Slipup: You Dictate Food Rules

Source: http://www.parents.com/family-life/better-parenting/parenting-style/nice-kids-rude-parents-does-your-playdate-etiquette-need-a-makeover/

The Binky Breakup
By Marnell Jameson

Source: http://www.parents.com/parents/story.jsp?storyid=/templatedata/parents/story/data/1194018115670.xml

What to do when your toddler won't pull the plug.

Pages in this story
Pacifier Dependence
Fun Farewells
Why Wean?
The Rules
Quitting the Binky

Pacifier Dependence
Like many parents, Suzi Rush thought that her son EJ's pacifier was a lifesaver -- at least at first. But at age 2, EJ still craved his binky when he was upset, and if it was MIA when he needed it, all hell broke loose. His fits could be embarrassing -- as one was when Rush forgot to take along his beloved binky on an emergency-room visit. "EJ had hurt his arm playing and was so hysterical that he wouldn't cooperate for the exam or x-ray," she says. "The staff asked me to leave and come back when he had calmed down! I had to find a binky." Rush ended up begging the nurses in the maternity ward's nursery for one. When she popped it into his mouth, EJ relaxed, climbed on the x-ray table, and was the perfect little patient.
Anyone with a binky-obsessed toddler can relate. For many kids, using a pacifier satisfies a natural craving. "Babies are born with a built-in need to suckle," says George Cohen, MD, clinical professor of pediatrics at the George Washington University School of Medicine and Health Sciences. But when it becomes a habit, kids need help letting go.


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