Working New Mother

Working New Mother - Stealing Time
It's easy to lose sight of your own needs when you're juggling a new baby, work and home. Here's how to sneak some R&R into your routine.

By: Shana Aborn,

Once you have a baby, the little things you used to take for granted in your carefree pre-parenthood days—waking up late on weekends, showering when you want to or just finishing a cup of coffee while it's still hot—can suddenly become as elusive as those teeny baby socks that always seem to get lost in the laundry. The sudden lack of personal time can be a bit of a shock. And adapting to the change is even more difficult when, like me, you start your family relatively late in life.

Yes, your new reality is that you need to accommodate your baby's schedule during those early months. Just try having your infant wait several minutes for you to finish something when she's hollering for food, a clean bottom or a hug. Nope, doesn't work. Still, you can—and should—sneak spots of time for yourself into your daily or weekly schedule. Here's how to do it.Not only can being a martyr mommy lead to burnout, it can also be counterproductive in the run if you aren't functioning at your best.

Pencil it in:

Start by deciding what you want to do and when you want to do it. Mark it on your calendar or enter it in your BlackBerry the way you might schedule an important meeting or appointment. Then let your family know that you are not to be bothered unless someone is gushing blood from an artery. One tradition we've established in our household: My husband gets to be in charge at home one Saturday a month so that I can go shopping, catch a movie or take a yoga class.

Multitask:

Try to do something for yourself while you're doing baby duty. If your baby falls asleep easily in her stroller, walk to the park to give yourself a little fresh air and exercise, or stroll to a nearby sandwich shop for lunch. "When my son was first born, he was breastfeeding for forty-five minutes every two hours," says Alexandra Iwashnya, MD, a physician from Richmond, VA. "I was able to finish a five-hundred-page book just by reading it during his feeding times."

Ask for help:

You may be used to doing things without help, but this is a time when you shouldn't think that you have to do everything yourself, say Trisha Ashworth and Amy Nobile, authors of I Was a Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids.

Not only can being a martyr mommy lead to burnout, it can also be counter-productive in the long run if you aren't functioning at your best. Ask your husband to take on the early-evening feeding so you can go for a walk or a drive, or trade babysitting with another mom—she'll be grateful to get time off in return.

Take mini breaks

Finding "me time" after you go back to work can be even more challenging. One way you can steal a few minutes for yourself is by arriving at the office a little early so you can read the papers and savor a cup of coffee before the rush of the workday begins (even 15 minutes makes a difference). If you're breastfeeding, you can turn pumping breaks into relaxation sessions by finding a quiet area and zoning out to your favorite tunes on your iPod. (Bonus: Mellowing out will improve your milk flow.) On your lunch break, nourish your soul by doing whatever it is that makes you feel tranquil and connected to yourself. You might check out a bookstore or sit in a park and enjoy nature or even visit a local church, temple or mosque and soak in the peaceful inspiration. If getting physical is more your relaxation style, work in a workout during the day. Heather Olson, who works for a real estate investment bank and is the mom of twin toddler girls, has a standing appointment with her personal trainer every workday at 1:00 p.m. "At first, it seemed difficult to work out during my lunch hour, but I've found that it really gives me the boost I need for the rest of the day," she says.

Decompress

Making the transition from the demands of the workplace into an evening family routine can be tough. To ease into it, do something you love during your commute home: Work on a Sudoku puzzle while riding the bus, or listen to an audiobook in the car, for example. "I leave my three-month-old daughter at day care an extra hour," says Kerstin VanZanten, an insurance sales coordinator from Temecula, CA. "I use that time to go home, take a hot shower, get changed and clean up the house before I go get her." When you do see your children, give them your undivided attention for at least ten or 15 minutes, suggest Ashworth and Nobile; after a pure dose of Mom, they'll be better able to separate while you get dinner started.

Rethink "me time"

Like many working moms, you may consider taking time for yourself a self-indulgent luxury you can't afford. But consider the effects of not addressing your needs. "A mother is the nucleus of the family," says Rachel Hamman, author of Mom's Night Out: Even Inmates Get Time Off for Good Behavior, a book on self-rejuvenation that's scheduled for publication next February. "If she's always giving, giving, giving without replenishing herself, it can have a negative effect on both her and the family."

Celebrate

Go to your calendar right now and circle March 22: It's the date Hamman designated last year as a national Mom's Night Out. Support the movement by inviting your mother-friends to go out for dinner, drinks or coffee, and try to avoid mentioning the kids during the outing. The night is about reclaiming the part of you that doesn't always have to change a diaper or wipe up spilled oatmeal. Better yet, expand the tradition by organizing get-togethers with your pals every few weeks so you can toast your lives as women who also happen to be great moms.

No matter how you get yourself the time and space you need to recharge your batteries, you'll see the difference in the way you take on the world when you're a more relaxed and less stressed working mom.